Waiting Game

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So, fast-forward six months. We’ve now found out that our little darling is in fact a little boy. We’ve wrestled over work decisions, mine and Ben’s, resulting in a company change for Ben and an out-of-the-blue offer for me to go part-time, working mostly from home once I come back from maternity leave. We’ve laughed, cried (ok, I’ve cried), and looked forward to moment when we’d get to meet our little one. And here we are.

Yeah. 4 days. As in, it really could be tomorrow, but the doctor doesn’t really think it will be. I’m still working, which means that I’m pretty much useless by the time that I get home. Couch sitting is something that I’ve gotten very good at. We did actually go for a walk around the neighborhood on Tuesday night to try and get my body moving. My hands have been swollen (the right much more than the left) and that has made it really hard to get much work done. Yesterday, I went and sat in our friend’s massage chair. We’re talking a really nice massage chair. As in, he reviewed it for his magazine kind of massage chair. That may be going on the schedule again along with the walking. Mostly, it is just waiting…not so patiently. See, here I am waiting:

Really, I’m just ready to hold him, to meet him. To see what he will be like, what he will look like. Everyone keeps telling me that he better have red hair, but I’ll love him if it is red, blonde, or brown. So, we’ll just be here waiting until he decides it is time to arrive. Then expect the pictures to start flowing in!

Oh baby! (Part 2 of the story)

As soon as I got home from IL, I called the doctor and set up an appt. They told me that I needed to wait until I was at least 7 weeks, which put us at the week of Thanksgiving by the time they were able to fit us into the doctor’s schedule. I had to wait a whole month? Really?

The month came and went and there we were in the doctor’s office on a Tuesday morning. The ultrasound tech focused in on my belly and quickly said, “Usually I say, ‘See that little peanut there?’ But that’s not a peanut, that’s a baby! I’d say you’re more like 12 weeks along!”

I had almost made it through the first trimester without much hoorah. We excitedly told our families when we made our great Thanksgiving Day loop around central Florida. (Lakeland to Orlando for “supper” to Ocala for dinner and back to Lakeland) Once the family knew, we told our friends via some fun “bun in the oven” text messages. I made the official public announcement the following Monday, which was my birthday. What an exciting way to celebrate my birthday!

Back from Hiatus

{I've been holding this post until I write the 2nd half and apparently I need the extra motivation of it actually being out there in order to write the rest!}

So, the 2 of you that read this blog will have noticed that I took quite the hiatus from blogging. I have had quite an interesting time in the last 6 months. It all started back in October when after several whirlwind weeks (consisting of a bachelor party for Ben and then both of us heading to Kentucky for his best friend’s wedding), we were preparing to head up to my 10-year college reunion. One friend had picked up Holly and Ben was preparing Baxter to take him to another friend’s house. I really wasn’t feeling very good when he left, but I shrugged it off. Before he got back I had gotten sick…for the first time in over 6 years. And that was from food poisoning. It was already fairly late in the evening and I had a 6 am plane to catch. I started scrambling through the cabinets in the bathroom only to find that the box that should have contained a pregnancy test was empty. When Ben walked back in I told him what had happened and asked him what he thought. He said, “Well, we’ll just have to see.” He dropped me off at the airport dark and early the next morning and said goodbye until later that night. (He was catching the last flight out after work that day.)

I made it safely to St. Louis and made my way to my best friend, Stacey’s house on the Illinois side of the river. I told her my concern and we were both nervous and excited. I played with her girls and went to lunch with them. On our way into Greenville for the Homecoming Parade and Choir Concert, I stopped at Tarjay and picked up a pack of tests, excited to take them the next morning when Ben was there. We enjoyed more good times with old friends and I headed back to St. Louis to pick Ben up at the airport. As soon as we got to the hotel, we passed out, knowing that we’d have a packed day on Saturday.

Saturday morning, we got up and I took two tests and they both immediately showed 2 lines. As in no waiting- immediately. I came out in tears to Ben. Happy tears. Trying for 17 months tears. I texted Stacey like I told her I would. We went about our schedule as planned. I showed Ben the campus and took him by all of the special spots. That is until I got tired. I now knew the reason that I hadn’t been able to get through the day without needing a nap. I now had a good reason to go back to the hotel and take a good long nap before the Reunion Banquet. Even better, I now had a good reason why I had to buy new jeans to wear to the reunion. So many questions were answered with those 2 little lines. I did take one more test when we got back just to be sure and yes; it too immediately showed those 2 little lines.

The banquet was wonderful and so was the informal class gathering at our class sponsor’s house. My head, however, was spinning. Ben was grinning and proud. Our little family was growing. We headed back home the next morning after a brief stop at the Gateway Arch (which was closed) and the old Courthouse (which was not closed). The next part of our story came about a month later…

(To be continued)

Coming soon...

A real post. No joke. I know that it has been 6 months since the last one, but trust me: a real post is coming! It's all up in my head. I just need to sit down and write it. And "it" may turn out to be like 12 posts. So, hold on to your hats.

A "Rich" Legacy

It's been 15 years since Rich Mullins passed away. I've been seeing it all over Facebook: tributes, old recordings, and such. This morning I played the 2 albums that I had on my iPod while I worked. I found myself questioning why I only had 2 albums on my iPod when I knew that I had more of his albums at home in my collection. (Yes, I still have an extensive CD collection. So sue me.) I realized that part of the reason was because I haven't listened to very much Rich Mullins since I got my iPod in 2007.

Why in the world would I not really listen to much Rich Mullins for 5 years? Good question. In reality, it has been more like 6 years. I hadn't even realized that I had done it until today. My ex-boyfriend was a huge fan of Rich Mullins [And "fan" is really an understatement] and when I broke off our almost 4-year long distance relationship in 2006, I apparently broke off my love for Rich Mullins music as well. It got me thinking; what else have I let go by the wayside since then? The best way I could think to describe it was like it was the opposite of Julia Roberts' character Maggie in "Runaway Bride." Maggie only ate the same kind of eggs as the man that she was with, never knowing what she actually liked because she was trying to be like him. I guess I felt like I couldn't like Rich anymore because that was his thing. The thing is that I liked Rich long before I even met him. I can't even count how many times I listened to "Hold Me, Jesus" in college. In fact, he entire "A Liturgy, A Legacy, & A Ragamuffin Band" album was in constant rotation in the room that Tracy Lee and I shared my freshman & sophomore year. I even worked at a Ragamuffins concert in the Spring of '99 in St. Louis with our CCM Seminar class. His music is such a part of my history. How could I leave that on the sidelines for 6 years?

I'm sitting here this evening listening to the "Jesus Demos" and wishing that I had never stopped listening to this man sing stories about our Lord. There are so many things to learn from the stories and the songs. Rich got it. He understood, at least in part, how this life was meant to be lived. He understood how to be a child of God and be ok with being a "child." I feel like I have to have it all together. I've lost that child-like wonder that brings me close to Him. I need to revisit the things that I've put on the sidelines. The books that I gave away, the music that has just been sitting up on the shelf. I'm not controlled by the past or the things that are in it. I am a child of God. I am loved by Him not because the things that I have or haven't done in the past, but because I was drawn to Him and put my faith in Him.

This is a really hard thing for me to write about. I don't like to talk about that part of my life. It seems like another lifetime ago. It is part of me, though, and the Lord brought me through it. I can't regret what happened. It is part of my story, like it or not. I am still His beloved child. I need to remember that. Maybe this is just what I needed.

"I will never doubt His promise though I doubt my heart - I doubt my eyes
My Deliverer is coming - My Deliverer is standing by"

~"My Deliverer" The Jesus Record (Rich Mullins/Mitch McVicker)