love, love isn't always love the way that we mean...

Do you ever have those days when you can't stop thinking about something, even though you know that you really shouldn't be thinking about it? I've been like that a few weeks now. It always happens with me. I go to a friend's wedding and for weeks after I keep thinking about what my wedding will be like or if I will ever get to have a wedding. This last time has been the most interesting. Last weekend I was listening to a new CD that I bought with one of my Christmas giftcards (it has been on my list of CDs to buy for a few months now!) and the last song came on and all of a sudden I had one of those strange moments where you can see yourself. I was dancing at my wedding. I've never had a song that I thought "Hey, I want them to play this at my wedding reception!" I've thought of songs for pretty much every part of the ceremony, but never for my first dance. It was actually quite humorous because I was driving to my parent's house in Orlando when I was listening to it and I put the song on repeat so that I could hear it again and I actually missed my exit to their house. I've driven that road MANY times, but apparently, I was so enthralled with the song that I drove right past it!

I should totally be in bed right now, but I heard the song again as I was driving home tonight and I just can't get it out of my head. In my head I'm waltzing (well, sort of waltzing...the song has a waltz rhythm.) with my faceless Mr. Darcy and for some reason I just needed to write about it. I've needed to write for a while, but I just haven't. This is as good a time as any, I suppose. So, that's where I am. Somewhere between reality and a song and a hope.

the love of God

I wasn't tired yet, so I haven't been able to even think about going to bed. Instead, I started looking through the things that I received from my grandmother after she passed away this spring. I was very blessed to get several of her hymnals and songbooks. My grandmother was a pianist and organist from her teens all the way up until a few years ago when the Parkinson's made it too difficult for her to play any longer. I was flipping through some of the books (VERY carefully, since they are quite old!) and looking for some of the "good old hymns" that I remember from when I was growing up. While I was looking through the last book, "Favorite Radio Hymns and Stories:, I came across one of my favorites, "The Love of God." I love the imagery in the song, especially the last verse. I've had the last verse posted on my myspace page for some time now. I was very surprised when I read the footnote at the bottom of the hymn. It reads,

*The last stanza of this song was penciled on the wall of a narrow room of an asylum by a man said to have been demented. The profound lines were discovered after his death.

I keep getting goosebumps.

I can't even fathom that. I'm going to let that simmer in my mind for now. And I'll leave you with the last verse to let it rattle in your heads as well:

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made;
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Tho' stretched from sky to sky.

in Christ alone...

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt of life, no fear of death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

By Keith Getty, Stuart Townsend

This has been my song today. It's not as if it's a new song to me, but for some reason it stood out today.I was listening to WOW this morning as I got ready for work and all I know is that I had to bring the CD with me in the car and listened to it on the way to work because I needed to keep it fresh in me. The bolded lyric above is something that we've been talking about in Refuge (college ministry) on Sunday nights and then discussed tonight in our Discipleship By Grace group (a.k.a. The Dirty Dozen) It is such a powerful thought, an overwhelming thought, a beautiful thought. And to think that it was done out of pure love. Not manipulative, human love, but pure sinless love. We are truly blessed.

I'm off to Daytona with the college group tomorrow. Tomorrow starts my vacation!!!! I'm a free woman for a little over a week!!! Today was my last day at Hallmark and I start at Shelby, Medina, and Stargel on the 25th. Alright, I'm off to pack so that I can get everything done in the morning before I leave!!

Grace & Peace!