A "Rich" Legacy

It's been 15 years since Rich Mullins passed away. I've been seeing it all over Facebook: tributes, old recordings, and such. This morning I played the 2 albums that I had on my iPod while I worked. I found myself questioning why I only had 2 albums on my iPod when I knew that I had more of his albums at home in my collection. (Yes, I still have an extensive CD collection. So sue me.) I realized that part of the reason was because I haven't listened to very much Rich Mullins since I got my iPod in 2007.

Why in the world would I not really listen to much Rich Mullins for 5 years? Good question. In reality, it has been more like 6 years. I hadn't even realized that I had done it until today. My ex-boyfriend was a huge fan of Rich Mullins [And "fan" is really an understatement] and when I broke off our almost 4-year long distance relationship in 2006, I apparently broke off my love for Rich Mullins music as well. It got me thinking; what else have I let go by the wayside since then? The best way I could think to describe it was like it was the opposite of Julia Roberts' character Maggie in "Runaway Bride." Maggie only ate the same kind of eggs as the man that she was with, never knowing what she actually liked because she was trying to be like him. I guess I felt like I couldn't like Rich anymore because that was his thing. The thing is that I liked Rich long before I even met him. I can't even count how many times I listened to "Hold Me, Jesus" in college. In fact, he entire "A Liturgy, A Legacy, & A Ragamuffin Band" album was in constant rotation in the room that Tracy Lee and I shared my freshman & sophomore year. I even worked at a Ragamuffins concert in the Spring of '99 in St. Louis with our CCM Seminar class. His music is such a part of my history. How could I leave that on the sidelines for 6 years?

I'm sitting here this evening listening to the "Jesus Demos" and wishing that I had never stopped listening to this man sing stories about our Lord. There are so many things to learn from the stories and the songs. Rich got it. He understood, at least in part, how this life was meant to be lived. He understood how to be a child of God and be ok with being a "child." I feel like I have to have it all together. I've lost that child-like wonder that brings me close to Him. I need to revisit the things that I've put on the sidelines. The books that I gave away, the music that has just been sitting up on the shelf. I'm not controlled by the past or the things that are in it. I am a child of God. I am loved by Him not because the things that I have or haven't done in the past, but because I was drawn to Him and put my faith in Him.

This is a really hard thing for me to write about. I don't like to talk about that part of my life. It seems like another lifetime ago. It is part of me, though, and the Lord brought me through it. I can't regret what happened. It is part of my story, like it or not. I am still His beloved child. I need to remember that. Maybe this is just what I needed.

"I will never doubt His promise though I doubt my heart - I doubt my eyes
My Deliverer is coming - My Deliverer is standing by"

~"My Deliverer" The Jesus Record (Rich Mullins/Mitch McVicker)

Somewhat Social

Most people who know me know would tell you that I am not the most social person. I am an introvert by nature, as in I'm pretty certain that I scored 99 on the scale when extroverted was 0 and introverted was 100. If it wasn't 99, it was 98. But, for the last ten years, I have been somewhat social. I realized this today as I was setting up our church's social media sites. (Yes, Trinity has reached the 21st century and now has a Facebook page and a Twitter account!) It started back in the Fall of 2000, my junior year of college, when I began helping my friend Mark moderate the message board for his band, The Normals.

{Side note: Does anyone else remember The Normals secret site: "The Attic?" Wow. That was a long time ago!}

From there, I went on to be a part of many different boards. I even created and moderated a board for a nation-wide nightly radio show on WAY-FM out of Nashville for a while. All of that seems like a life-time ago. In a way, I guess it was. The thing is, I forgot how much I enjoy promoting and supporting causes/people/groups that I really believe in. I'm really excited for the chance to be a part of something like this again! You can follow Trinity here and check out our Facebook page here.

My brain, the jukebox

Anyone that knows me knows how much I love music. I usually have something playing at my desk at work or on my phone or ipod. (Right now I'm listening to Michael W. Smith's instrumental album, "Freedom." It's one of my favorites that I used to listen to while I journaled in college.) [side note: just realized this album is almost 12 years old. Yikes!] The past few days, I've realized that whether the music is playing around me or not, I always have a song in my head. It is so important for me to make sure that the song in my head is one that is uplifting and God-honoring. The song that have been on my short playlist the last two weeks are as follows:

"Restless" by Audrey Assad
"Grace" by Laura Story
"Perfect Peace" by Laura Story
"The Reckoning (How Long)" by Andrew Peterson

The lyrics to these songs are so encouraging to me. I struggle so much with my restless heart and am longing to truly rest in the grace that has been offered to me. My prayer for the year has been Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV):

⁶  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (source)

 I have to be intentional in this. This is why I struggle so much. When "life" starts happening, when there is laundry to be done, dishes to wash, dinner to make, dogs to feed, when Ben has to work the night shift and I'm left home by myself with the puppies, my intentionality goes out the window! I shift into "just get by" mode. I wasn't made to "just get by!" I was made to thrive in Him. I was made to REST in Him! And so, I lay there at night and listen to the jukebox in my brain, reminding me that "I am restless 'til I rest in you, O God." Reminding me that He says "I will give you perfect peace," and that "My child, I love you. And as long as you're seeking My face, you'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace." And knowing that someday He will come to take home His own. These are my comforts. He is my comfort.

Would you pray that I continue to rest in Him? What are the things that keep you from resting in the promises that you know to be true?

Until next time,

Go under the mercy.

Not As Strong

We are frail
We are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion
Choking on the fumes of selfish rage
And with these our hells and our heavens
So few inches apart
We must be awfully small
And not as strong as we think we are

"Not As Strong As We Think We Are"
~Rich Mullins

This song came on this morning on my alarm clock and reminded me of the reality that I like to try to forget.

Food for Thought (Thanks, Blair)

“So when the devil throws your sins in your face and declares that you deserve death and hell, tell him this: "I admit that I deserve death and hell, what of it? For I know One who suffered and made satisfaction on my behalf. His name is Jesus Christ, Son of God, and where He is there I shall be also!”  -Martin Luther

Found at Wild & Precious

Thanks, Blair. I needed to read that today. I need to start posting more things that are inspiring me and challenging me!