Saturday, February 17, 2007

fusion and change...

So, here we are again. It's been now almost 3 months since I've written this time. What is the deal? I have things to say! Why don't I write them? I guess I'm writing now because I need to process. This has been a roller-coaster week. (And not just because I rode the Triple Hurricane and the Okeechobee Rampage with Claire last Saturday at Cypress Gardens, although I did!) Doors have been shut, while other doors stand in front of me waiting to be knocked upon. The task at hand is discerning which doors are doors that I should knock on. That's the part that scares me. I'm not good at this part. Luckily, I won't be going through it alone, but still it seems daunting.

This weekend, I had the chance to go to the Fusion conference in Orlando. It was a last minute thing and a real blessing to me. I found out about it on Wednesday afternoon and decided to take my friend's ticket on Thursday. Then I found out that some guys from our church were going, which meant that I didn't have to just go and sit by myself. Oh, and the worship band? Yeah, that would be none other than the David Crowder Band!!! They were amazing, but that wasn't the point of the conference. Yes, it was the reason that I was coming to the conference, but luckily God had better ideas. He usually does. That's why I'm glad that He's in control and not me. After listening to the speakers, I have a lot of heart-searching to do. Now, I don't want to sound all cheesy and stuff, saying that I'm convicted of things now because I heard people talking about them. I've been processing this all day and I'm still not through with whole thought, but this is my response so far. It is one thing to latch onto what a speaker says for a short period of time and it's a whole other thing to have a speaker speak to something that has been on your heart and mind that you just hadn't completely worked out. I feel that the latter is where I am. I've been to conferences before. I went to Acquire the Fire my freshman year of college. It was a good conference. Did I feel convicted? Sure. Was it short-lived? Absolutely. I got back up to Greenville and went back to "daily life" and pretty much forgot about things. I don't think I can do that this time. My heart is involved this time. I can feel that He is working something in me, though I'm not sure what it is. It excites and scares me at the same time. Where does this leave me? For the time being, it leaves me here in Lakeland. But then what? Only He knows and in due time, He'll share that.

So, yeah. What a week. From a Wednesday that was horrendous to a Friday and Saturday that were completely blessed. God is good and faithful. I'm not going to promise to write more frequently, because every time I do that, I don't write for 2-3 months. I do feel like I need to write more, though, once I've processed some more of what this means for me. Until then,

Grace and peace,

Heather Irene

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