Somewhat Social

Most people who know me know would tell you that I am not the most social person. I am an introvert by nature, as in I'm pretty certain that I scored 99 on the scale when extroverted was 0 and introverted was 100. If it wasn't 99, it was 98. But, for the last ten years, I have been somewhat social. I realized this today as I was setting up our church's social media sites. (Yes, Trinity has reached the 21st century and now has a Facebook page and a Twitter account!) It started back in the Fall of 2000, my junior year of college, when I began helping my friend Mark moderate the message board for his band, The Normals.

{Side note: Does anyone else remember The Normals secret site: "The Attic?" Wow. That was a long time ago!}

From there, I went on to be a part of many different boards. I even created and moderated a board for a nation-wide nightly radio show on WAY-FM out of Nashville for a while. All of that seems like a life-time ago. In a way, I guess it was. The thing is, I forgot how much I enjoy promoting and supporting causes/people/groups that I really believe in. I'm really excited for the chance to be a part of something like this again! You can follow Trinity here and check out our Facebook page here.

My brain, the jukebox

Anyone that knows me knows how much I love music. I usually have something playing at my desk at work or on my phone or ipod. (Right now I'm listening to Michael W. Smith's instrumental album, "Freedom." It's one of my favorites that I used to listen to while I journaled in college.) [side note: just realized this album is almost 12 years old. Yikes!] The past few days, I've realized that whether the music is playing around me or not, I always have a song in my head. It is so important for me to make sure that the song in my head is one that is uplifting and God-honoring. The song that have been on my short playlist the last two weeks are as follows:

"Restless" by Audrey Assad
"Grace" by Laura Story
"Perfect Peace" by Laura Story
"The Reckoning (How Long)" by Andrew Peterson

The lyrics to these songs are so encouraging to me. I struggle so much with my restless heart and am longing to truly rest in the grace that has been offered to me. My prayer for the year has been Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV):

⁶  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (source)

 I have to be intentional in this. This is why I struggle so much. When "life" starts happening, when there is laundry to be done, dishes to wash, dinner to make, dogs to feed, when Ben has to work the night shift and I'm left home by myself with the puppies, my intentionality goes out the window! I shift into "just get by" mode. I wasn't made to "just get by!" I was made to thrive in Him. I was made to REST in Him! And so, I lay there at night and listen to the jukebox in my brain, reminding me that "I am restless 'til I rest in you, O God." Reminding me that He says "I will give you perfect peace," and that "My child, I love you. And as long as you're seeking My face, you'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace." And knowing that someday He will come to take home His own. These are my comforts. He is my comfort.

Would you pray that I continue to rest in Him? What are the things that keep you from resting in the promises that you know to be true?

Until next time,

Go under the mercy.

Not As Strong

We are frail
We are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion
Choking on the fumes of selfish rage
And with these our hells and our heavens
So few inches apart
We must be awfully small
And not as strong as we think we are

"Not As Strong As We Think We Are"
~Rich Mullins

This song came on this morning on my alarm clock and reminded me of the reality that I like to try to forget.

Food for Thought (Thanks, Blair)

“So when the devil throws your sins in your face and declares that you deserve death and hell, tell him this: "I admit that I deserve death and hell, what of it? For I know One who suffered and made satisfaction on my behalf. His name is Jesus Christ, Son of God, and where He is there I shall be also!”  -Martin Luther

Found at Wild & Precious

Thanks, Blair. I needed to read that today. I need to start posting more things that are inspiring me and challenging me!

Confessions

I hate having to ask for help. I always feel that now that I'm almost 32 {really? is my birthday really just over a week away?} that I should be able to take care of myself and my family. For the last week & a half, Ben & I have been down to one car. (Sometimes I really hate cars, but mostly just when they stop working.) Ben started his new job yesterday. {BIG YEAH!} But that job is in Tampa, which is almost an hour away. And he has to be at work at 6:45a. That means that I have to find a way to get to work and to get home from work on nights that he has class over in Tampa (like tonight). I'm having to ask friends for rides and it is killing me. I hate inconveniencing my friends. I even had to ask my boss today if I could borrow his truck next week while he is out of town so that I can make it in to work and take care of any errands for the office since I'm one of the few that will be in town for the week. I know that at the heart of it all it is because of pride.

Proverbs 29:23 ²³ One’s pride will bring him low,
but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.

And I feel like I am being brought low. It's affecting everything. My mood has been ornery at best. I find myself crying for the stupidest reasons. I've gotten angry at Ben for turning the car into a toolbox on wheels. I mean, seriously, where ELSE is he supposed to put his tools that he needs for work than in the vehicle that he is driving TO WORK. Work that he hasn't been able to go to for 7 weeks. I should be thrilled that the car is full of tools and that my husband is working. But no, I turn into Mrs. Snippy-pants and complain that I don't have a backseat.

Philippians 2:14-15 (ESV) ¹⁴ Do all things without grumbling or questioning, ¹⁵that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,

That one was one of our memory verses a few weeks ago. Talk about things coming back to bite you...

1 Peter 4:9 (ESV) ⁹ Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.

I've done quite enough grumbling. I need to be thankful for my friends who have shown us their "hospitality without grumbling." I need to be able to admit my need for help. I am not self-sufficient.

2 Corinthians 3:4-5 (ESV) ⁴ Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. ⁵ Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God,

And so I have something to work on. Dependence. It isn't a dirty word. It is a beautiful word. And here I thought that I had gotten pretty good at the whole "dependence" thing as we dealt with Ben being without a job! But here we are. He's peeled back another layer of the onion and there is my sin stinking up the place again.

Would you pray for me? Pray that I will be able to work through whatever it is that is keeping me from depending. Pray that I will continue more and more to lean on Him. That I will be able to admit my needs. That I will not be stubborn and think that "I can handle this myself." Pray that I will let myself be blessed by my friends. That I will not deny them the opportunity to be a blessing.

Thank you, friends.